Day 138: Enough

7:30 PM

Sometimes the timing just isn’t right, and if you force it you’ll only end up angry and resentful. I’m learning so much this year about timing, about noticing the tension between doing and being, and choosing to not fight it but instead let go.

My budding relationship ended last week in possibly the most positive and loving way I’ve ever experienced. For as much as we liked each other, there wasn’t enough time or resources to invest in a relationship. I realized that if we kept forcing the timing to be ‘right’ we would most likely ruin the chemistry. And so, while definitely bittersweet, ending things was the most humane way to go. Of course we spoke about staying friends, hopefully eventually we can be.

Again, I have been surrounded by the love of friends who are supporting me through this transition. I am grateful especially for the support my female friends. When I was younger I had difficulty maintaining friendships with women, perhaps it was socialization but my relationships with women would inevitably feel competitive. Turning 30 was such a pivotal experience for it was at this time that I felt my relationships with women change. Gone were the tendencies to compare and evaluate myself against my friends. Instead of looking through a lens of insecurity at these women I surrounded myself with, my lens became that of admiration.

I am surrounded by women that exude strength, emotional and physical, in everything they do. In their roles as mothers, sisters, and partners they exhibit patience and sensitivity. When boundaries need to be set they are adept at clearly communicating their needs and seeking compromise. And as friends, they bolster me when I doubt myself, my choices or my future. I’ve called upon them repeatedly this year, and from the insignificant to the most tragic situations they have always answered.

And when the tables have turned and my friends have questioned their abilities, their fortitude or their worth I hope that I have adequately expressed just how amazing they are. They are exceptional women. They are enough just as they are, and they are my everything.